


The Study of Size

by wittyno



Category: Community (TV)
Genre: Crack, F/F, I made a funny on discord and it escalated, Please do not take it seriously, This is pure crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-20
Updated: 2020-11-20
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:14:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27646664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wittyno/pseuds/wittyno
Summary: This is pure crack. Vaughn's nipples are too small for nipple guards. Go join us on Discord.
Relationships: Annie Edison/Vaughn Miller, Vaughn/his nipples
Comments: 4
Kudos: 5





	The Study of Size

**Author's Note:**

  * For [CeleryLapel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CeleryLapel/gifts).



Cel Sellery, was sitting by the fire when their four-year-old granddaughter Emerald waddled over to them. She reached up to Cel and with a groan bent down and picked up little Emerald, situating her on their lap. 

“Story, please.” Emerald said in a demanding tone. Cel sighed.

“Once upon a time there lived a magician named Morga…”

“No.” Emerald screeched. “Walmart story”

“You’ve heard that one a million times,”

“Again again…” Emerald punctuated every word with a bounce on Cel’s knee. 

“Alright alright,’ Cel said, placating the child. “Many years ago when I was bright eyed and bushy tailed, I worked at Walmart. I had many customers over my 30 years with the company, but none more memorable than guard guy. I had only been with the company for two weeks, when a man with flaxen hair and no shirt came into the store. Truth be told, the first thing I noticed where his nipples. They were tiny. Minuscule, even. He walked up to me and I gave the customary greeting ‘Hello sir, welcome to Walmart.’” Emerald was looking at Cel with wonder in her eyes. 

“What happened next?”

“The man gave three greetings ‘Hello, Konnichi wa, Guten Tag’ which was odd, but it the early 2010s so nothing seemed out of the ordinary.” Cel could see the young man standing in front of him. That long blonde hair, no shirt, and those tiny nipples. The man said, “My mountain flower told me I could return these nipple guards here.” I was aghast no one had ever tried to return nipple guards before. Why would you? A colleague of mine, Emily, even told me there was one guy who bought so many that they couldn’t possibly all be for running. 

“Sir, you can’t return nipple guards. It’s store policy.” The man’s face fell. His eyes clouded with tears. 

“But my nipples are too small for them.” I felt for him, but I wasn’t going to break store policy for him. I reiterated our policy.

“I am sorry sir, this is a Walmart, and it is our story policy. I can not accept these nipple guards.” The man seeing the resolve in my eye fell to his knees and started sobbing. His hands reached up to the heavens, and he cried.

“Why God Why? Why did you make me this way?” I patted him lightly on the shoulder and handed him a tissue box. Ten minutes later, a man, matching Emily’s description, walked in and handed me a crispy 50 dollar bill. Wordlessly, he turned around and walked away. 


End file.
